Options

I read an interesting article in the Detroit Free Press this morning by Molly Ivins. The Texas legislature is discussing a proposal to mandate parental consent for the performance of an abortion. There is already a parental notification act in Texas. Ms. Ivins agrees that you would not want your underage daughter getting an abortion without your knowledge, but that there are sometimes exceptions, and they need to be accounted for. I agree with her. She goes on to give several examples of disfunctional families where requiring parental consent would be ludicrous. This article upsets me because I have appalling memories of pregnancy in the sixties and I do not want to revert back to those times. Unwed pregnancies brought disgrace to families. A girl's education was halted when she was sent away to a home to have her baby and often encouraged to give the baby up for adoption. Another alternative was an illegal abortion which was risky to a women's health and exorbitantly expensive. In the late sixties, women could visit a state where abortion was legal. The visits were often done alone without the support of any family members. The third alternative was for the two young people involved to marry. Unwanted pregnancies in this decade was distressing and often life altering. I was also upset in 2001 when I received a letter from my insurance company stating that abortion would no longer be paid for. I wondered in what direction our society was heading. Personally, at this time in my life I would not choose abortion for myself and I hope that Ruth would make the same decision for herself. However, I am ProChoice so I strongly believe I do not have the right to force my opinion on another woman. Everyone should have the right to make their own choices when faced with an unwanted pregnancy and legal abortion should be an option. I hope the Texas legislature decisions are not indicative of a regression back to the conditions in the 1960's.

Abstinence Only Education

Saw this article, by one of my favorite columnists, Nicholas Kristof, in the New York Times yesterday.

I personally didn't have abstinence only sex education (to my recollection), and I think it's ludicrous that it should be supported when there is plenty of evidence (which Kristof discusses in his article) to tell us that, well, it's not working very well.

Don't get me wrong -- I support sex ed teachers telling kids and teens that abstinence is the best option. I don't think most people are ready to have sex when they're in high school (or, God forbid, younger). But the thing is, a lot of kids do have sex in high school, and they need to be informed about the consequences as well as how to properly protect themselves. Abstinence-only "sex" ed only illustrates the failure rates of condoms -- and frankly, condoms are, IMHO, the best way to keep high school kids from getting pregnant (not all parents want their daughters on "The Pill," after all -- and even older, wiser women have trouble taking them on schedule). Condoms are also the only way to keep from getting STDs, and in the "hookup" world of young adults, that can be important.

One of the reasons I'm very adamantly against abstinence-only programs is because I saw the damage that it can do. See, back in high school, I used to hang out with a heavily Baptist group of people. They were, as expected, very much against premarital sex (and not just for themselves, believe me). Anyway, one of the girls I used to be good friends with ended up in a relationship with another very religious fellow while in college. As some people do, they got very wrapped up in each other, to the neglect of the outside world. He had his own place; they never left it. They fooled around all the time. Eventually, of course, they started having sex.

Except they never used contraception.

Excuses included:

• We're not going to do it again!
• He pulled out.
• My period isn't regular, so we'll be fine.

Forget the fact that she was too embarrassed to even buy tampons, let alone condoms. To which I say, don't you think if you can't ask for condoms at the 7-11, maybe you're not ready for sex?

Anyway, she was lucky -- she didn't get pregnant and since they were both the only person the two of them had ever slept with, she didn't catch anything, either. But between her and some of my college friends who couldn't be bothered to use condoms, I really started to wonder about people. Is this what we're teaching our kids?

When I have my own children, I sincerely hope that they'll wait awhile -- I can't personally imagine dealing with sex amid the roiling wasteland of high school emotions ... but I'll inform them on how to stay safe (even if the school won't) and let them make their own decisions on this. Because after all, most people are "guilty" of having had premarital sex, and a lot of us don't even think it's necesarily a bad thing. I just hope they can look back on their decisions about it and be happy with them, is all. If they can do that, then I'll be very happy. And if they can't, at least I can hope that they were safe about sex.

Any thoughts on this, Naomi?